You know, most of us spend way too much time in the offended seat, because we allow our feelings to be hurt so easily. We start throwing pity parties, and we get stuck in that seat. Quite honestly, I’m really sick of sitting in this seat. It has taken me awhile to realize I sit in the offended seat more than I should, but I’ve finally gotten really sick of it. And it is like being let out of prison, set free from bondage, when you see how miserable it is to be the offended person and to wallow around in self-pity.

If you spend a lot of time in this seat of the offended, with your feelings hurt, and throwing your own pity parties, you probably think someone else has the responsibility to get you out of that seat. You’re thinking the person who hurt you, who offended you, should now come and do whatever is necessary to get you out of there. After all, it’s not your fault if you’re in the seat of the offender, you think, so it’s not your responsibility to get yourself out of it!

But I hope you will hear this clearly: If you are in the offended seat, it is because you are choosing to sit there. And believe it or not, there is nothing anyone in the seat of the offender can do to get you out of the seat of the offended. You will only get out of that seat when you decide you’ve had enough, when you see how wrong and sinful it is, and how self-destructive it is.

The person who offended you should apologize, especially if it was intentional. I get that. But they may never be able to apologize enough or in an acceptable way to you if you are really stuck in the seat of the offended. And of course, many times the one who offended doesn’t apologize, either because they don’t know they have offended you or they don’t care. So, if you’re waiting for the offender to extricate you from that miserable seat of the offended, you’re in for a huge disappointment.

In fact, there are people in the seat of the offended who enjoy being there, in a rather perverse way. They enjoy being a victim. After all, as long as you’re in the seat of the offended, you don’t have to take responsibility for anything you did in the seat of the offender. You can just keep shifting blame and having your pity parties—and spend your life in the offended seat.

I must tell you when you choose to keep sitting in the seat of the offended, it turns you into someone who is sour, unattractive, self-consumed, and dishonoring to Christ. Now, I know some of you have been hurt very deeply; the offense against you is deep and ingrained. Even so, God wants to deliver you from being the offended person, carrying that burden around with you all the time, wearing that chip on your shoulder. But you must be willing to give it up.

What does God say we should do when we’ve been offended?

Romans 12:14: Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.

We are to bless them, not slander them. Regardless of what they did to you, it pales in comparison to what your sin—and mine—did to the Son of God. Do you remember Jesus’ words on the cross—Father, forgive them? He blessed those who persecuted him. He gave us the model for how we are to treat those who hurt us.

Have you blessed people in the offender seat of your life? I mean literally prayed a blessing on them—asked God to bless them. That’s one way to get you out of the offended seat.

Proverbs has some very wise advice for those who have been offended.

Proverbs 19:11: A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.

If you find yourself suddenly in the seat of the offended—someone has said something to hurt your feelings or done something that injured you—can you, by God’s grace and through the power of the Holy Spirit, give up your right to feel hurt and actually choose to overlook the offense? Now, I know some offenses should not be overlooked, but certainly with those small things that often put us in the seat of the offended, we can learn to overlook them,