For a long time, I used to say I was living in God’s Plan B for my life, and that even though it was Plan B, it was still a good plan. I really thought that because I messed up my life so much, God had to come up with a different plan for my life and let me settle for something less than he had planned for me. It’s as though I thought God looked down at my mess and said, “Goodness, what am I going to do now? How did Mary get herself in such a mess? Guess I’ll have to come up with Plan B.”

That’s because I really messed up. Whatever “baggage” I have brought into my life has been bags I’ve packed myself. I have no one to blame but me. I made poor choices, wrong decisions, and chose sinful paths for about ten years of my young adult life.

Briefly, when my daughter was eight years old, I found myself going through a divorce. This was the last thing I ever thought would happen to me; it was the last thing my family or friends ever imagined would happen. After all, I was raised in a good Christian home, graduated from a Christian college, and was the music director at my church! But there it was—I was divorced and I had to earn a living and my entire life dramatically changed.

I was so insecure about my value as a woman and so desperately needed to feel loved and valued, that as the old song goes, I looked for love in all the wrong places. And for ten long years, I covered up, pretended I was totally in control, climbed the corporate career ladder, earned more money, got promotions, bought more stuff—and all the time the little girl in me was crying for someone to say, “You are precious to me.” Sure, I had friends and a wonderful family. I should have been content with the love they had for me, but it wasn’t enough. I wanted to know that I was valued as a woman!

It took a move to Chicago, a dreadful career decision, and many broken relationships, but finally in God’s grace, like the prodigal son, I came to my senses and returned to my Father, asked for forgiveness, received it completely, and started on a new path. That was about 43 years ago. And that new path has been full of his blessing and the great privilege is mine to have this ministry. Let me assure you I do not have it all together, but I can tell you I know I am loved and precious to God, and that has satisfied my heart like nothing else ever could or did.

So that’s why I used to say I messed up Plan A, but God gave me Plan B. I t was good, but it wasn’t Plan A. It was second best—Plan B. Then not long ago I began to take a second look at my theology and realized if I truly believed in the sovereignty of God, then I had to believe God doesn’t have any Plan Bs. It’s all Plan A with God. You see, believing God is sovereign means you believe he always, at all times, has every situation in control! Nothing ever takes him by surprise. Before the world ever began, my days were written in his book.

Psalm 139:16: All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

And then I was reading Jeremiah 1:5, where the Lord said to Jeremiah:

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart. . .”

The Bible makes it clear that God is in ultimate control of us as individuals and of the world as well, from the international scene to a sparrow that falls.

Isaiah 46:10: I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come. I say: My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please.

Daniel 4:35: All the peoples of the earth are regarded as nothing. He does as he pleases with the powers of heaven and the peoples of the earth. No one can hold back his hand or say to him: “What have you done?”

Psalm 115:3: Our God is in heaven; he does whatever pleases him.

Now, if you want me to explain God’s sovereignty to you, I must admit I simply cannot—and furthermore, I’m not sure anyone can totally understand or explain it. I have questions I can’t answer.