Do you ever feel pulled in two directions? On one hand, we know from Scripture we’re to accept who we are in Christ. We’re told not to compare ourselves to others or envy who they are or what they have. We know we were uniquely designed by God, created on purpose, and that we should appreciate his handiwork in us.
But on the other hand—if you’re like me—you also know there are things about yourself you shouldn’t just accept. There are flaws. Weaknesses. Immaturities. We see others who seem to have it more together, and we feel the gap between who we are and who we ought to be.
Here’s the dilemma: How do we accept who we are when we know we’re not yet all we should be? How can we believe we’re special just as we are, while knowing we still have so far to grow?
It almost seems like mission impossible. It appears to be a paradox with no solution. On the one hand we’re admonished to rejoice and celebrate who we are and on the other hand, we’re aware daily of our inadequacies and shortcomings.
But here’s what I’m learning: I must be content with who God made me to be—while remaining lovingly dissatisfied with where I am in my growth. Contentment with my design. Holy discontentment with my development. Or to say it another way: accept who I am, but don’t settle for where I am.
That understanding has brought me tremendous freedom. I can appreciate who I am in Christ and still pursue becoming more like him. Let’s look at a couple of areas where this tension shows up.
Your Body
Scripture tells us we are fearfully and wonderfully made. God formed us in our mother’s womb. He doesn’t make mistakes. And yet—when we look in the mirror, do we see his craftsmanship or only the flaws?
“Oh, if only my hair were different.”
“If only my face were shaped another way.”
“If only my body were thinner, taller, smaller, firmer.”
Now, tell the truth: Don’t we often just focus on the negatives? Our culture has convinced us there’s only one acceptable shape for a beautiful body. And we’ve paid dearly for believing that lie. So many women have harmed themselves chasing an image that was never meant to define beauty.
I mean—look at the evidence: God clearly loves variety. Just look around at all the different looks, types, and shapes! How dull this world would be if we all came in the same size, shape, or color.
My dear friend, Fran, was barely five feet tall. All her life she was the shortest one in the room. But that small stature became a beautiful tool in God’s hands. She was never intimidating. People instantly felt at ease with her. She could make you laugh in seconds. She never met a stranger, and as a result, she was able to authentically and easily talk with people about her faith. Many women came to saving faith because they became friends with Fran. God used her size and personality together in powerful ways. Her height was not a mistake.
Your body is not a mistake either. Accept it. Thank God for it. See it as his design. But don’t settle.
Care for it. Strengthen it. Discipline it. Keep it healthy so it can serve Jesus well. We don’t chase perfection, but we do pursue stewardship. Our physical well-being affects our effectiveness. We want to run our race well and finish strong.
Very recently I was struck by this passage from Psalm 92:
The righteous flourish like the palm tree… They still bear fruit in old age; they are ever full of sap and green, to declare that the LORD is upright (Psalm 92:12-14).
As the years pile up, your body goes through changes. But I love the truth that we can still bear fruit even as we age and be full of sap and green. I don’t want to run out of gas. I don’t want to be prohibited from ministry because my body fails me.
Now, there are some physical problems over which you and I have no control. But our behavior and discipline largely determine how good we’re going to feel, how long we’re going to last, how clearly we can think, how fast we can react, how much we can accomplish. You don’t want to settle for anything less than God’s best for you—right?
Accept the body God gave you—but don’t settle for just getting by, for neglect.
Your Personality
The same is true of your personality. God does not make cookie-cutter Christians—aren’t you glad? Some of us are outgoing; some are reserved. Some lead naturally; others support faithfully. Some are talkers; some are listeners. Each personality carries strengths.
The outgoing person makes friends easily. The quiet one listens deeply. The leader casts vision. The steady one brings peace.
Now, tell the truth, are you content with the personality God has given you? Do you even know what it’s like? You should, and you should appreciate that personality.
My friend, Afton, wrestled with her personality as an introvert. She thought it was a negative flaw she needed to correct. But God has shown her the exact opposite. Her personality as an introvert has incredibly wonderful attributes. She is such a good listener, and she cares so much for others. Actually, she written a book: Living Connected: An Introvert’s Guide to Friendship, which is just wonderful, and it has helped so many women see their quiet personality as a gift from God.
For many years I thought my take-charge entrepreneur type personality was a mistake; it seemed to me women shouldn’t be like me. In fact, as a college student I tried once to change my personality. I thought by a set of my will I could be like some other girls at my college who seemed to have more appropriate personalities than I did. I intentionally tried to change my personality. The effort lasted for a few days. I couldn’t keep it up, and it did not succeed; in fact, it was a total flop. Instead of improving my personality, I came off as phony and insincere—which of course I was!
Eventually, I began to appreciate how God made me. Awkward edges and all. It took me far too long to get there, but as I became more and more contented with how God had made me and appreciated his creativity in me, there was great freedom. Freedom from comparison, from competition, from envy. When you’re at peace with who you are, you can genuinely celebrate who others are.
But again—accepting doesn’t mean excusing. There’s much I’ve had to learn and pray about changing in my own personality—and I still have to work at it. I may be project-oriented, but that’s no excuse for being insensitive. I may be a talker, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t learn to listen.
Every personality has built-in weaknesses. We don’t get to say, “That’s just the way I am,” and use that as an excuse to stop growing—to overlook things in ourselves that need to be changed. Instead, we thank God for the strengths and invite him to sand down the rough edges. When you truly appreciate the good in how God made you, you won’t be crushed when he reveals areas that need polishing.
And I’ve found God always deals with my personal flaws very patiently and gently. He is a good, good Father and he cares about our feelings. He knows us better than we know ourselves, and his purpose is to transform us more and more to be like Jesus. You can trust him to know how to help you grow and mature in your faith journey.